B.O.C.C.
Match Report
Barnes Occasionals vs. Surbiton Imperials
6 September 1998 at 2:00 P.M at Barn Elms
Capitain S.Dunlop (was put in to bat).
Barnes Won by 11 Runs
It was with a mixture of relief and trepidation that Dunlop lost the toss on a pleasant afternoon with the pitch still showing the effects of rain
during the week. This is a fixture that Barnes Occasionals always go into with high hopes of a boost to the rather fragile collective ego and losing
the call seemed a slightly preferable option to making the wrong decision against a team whose batting can be thin (making for a brief contest if
Barnes bowl first) but whose bowling has been underestimated in the past (raising the spectre of thwarted gloating).
Price, the opposing captain, invited Barnes Occasionals to make first use of the pitch and the trusty right-left combination of Barnes' own Price
(R) and Hanmer was despatched to the middle. Having scored 7 of the first 9 runs, Hanmer was the first to return. He had not disappointed in
terms of entertainment, either cricket related, or in his unmatchable imitations of domestic crockery. Rather surprisingly, his resignation was not
offered. Dunlop replaced him but, after some stout conversation in the middle with Price (R), was soon out to a rash shot against the left armer
Hendy (M).
There then followed a dismal passage for the Occasionals. Hogg (O) failed to intervene with the bat between his first ball striking the pitch and
his stumps. He departed without troubling the scorers (except, of course, since he fulfils this role, himself. Yea verily was he sorely troubled .
Words suggesting either a gynaecological or a military background were heard to emerge from the pavilion). Pettit, of whom much was hoped in
this match also soon departed to the familiar forward defensive hoick and the hitherto out of form Hogg (A) followed, palpably LBW to a good
ball from Hendy (M) which cut back into the right hander.
Wickets continued to tumble, reducing Barnes from an almost tenable
38-2 at Dunlop's departure to a risible 46-7. Price departed to the same shot, to the same bowler and caught in the same place as Dunlop and
Charman was the victim of a good one from Hendy (J) which cut away off the pitch and bowled him (albeit very slowly). In midst of the carnage
there had come to the wicket however, one of the saviours who was to normalise relations between the teams. He appeared with little flourish,
but proceeded to Websterize the opposing attack. Joined, at Charman's fall, by the man to whom 'average' is just a dream - the irretrievable
Seed - the two more than doubled the score with what bore more than a passing resemblance to resilience. Neither innings could fairly be
described as sparkling (petillant, perhaps), but Webster did depart from his usual strategy of encouraging the ball to points South and West of
his stumps sufficiently to play what was alleged to be a cover drive. Legal experts are still wrangling over this one, as they are about Webster's
run out. Was there a run there? Was it simply a strategy to bring in destroyer Haddow, the previous week's run-machine?
The fireworks were not to be repeated. After scoring a crunching one, Haddow leapt down the pitch in pursuit of quick late order runs (a
process which did, in itself, take some considerable time) and had the distinction of being bowled by Emburey. Tagg, the man for whom leg
stump is but a distant pinnacle at the time of playing a shot, caressed a quick four and accompanied the also unbeaten Seed to the innings' end at
110-9. Barnes' gratitude to the opposition fielders must here be expressed. Not only for the generous donation of runs by overthrows, but for
the entertainment it afforded
Barnes ventured into the field knowing that their customary relentless dynamism and will to win would be sorely tested. Seed and Dunlop
opened the bowling. Amongst the dross Dunlop managed to find a nugget to bowl Holdsworth and Seed quickly followed suit with the wicket of
Clark. At the other end, Emburey's hand/eye co-ordination attracted attention as, between missing balls which flew over middle stump, he
accumulated in a significant manner. The next wicket to go was that of Parrott, run out by the panther-like Webster from mid wicket. Barnes
appeared to be flying but a steady accumulation of runs in the succeeding overs was not accompanied by the clatter of wickets in quite as steady
a succession as had been hoped. Skipper Price (J) was next to go to a splendid catch by his Barnes namesake off Seed. The catcher
demonstrated the athleticism to be expected of a man who does not look a day over forty.
Price (D) followed to a catch by Dunlop, again off Seed. At this point, Hogg (O) was introduced to the attack. He abandoned the previous
week's strategy of bowling at the batsmen's footmarks outside leg stump and quickly had a disgruntled Hendy (M) LBW. The on-pitch
discussion concerning ethics and ophthalmology was mercifully brief. Tagg, who had occasionally been contactable in the field, mainly by satellite
link (though semaphore, carrier pigeon and shouting very, very loudly were also methods used to try to convey field changes) was also invited to
bowl and disposed of Hendy (J) to a steepling catch by Hogg (A). Cole was then bowled by Hogg (O) to leave the visitors in a parlous state,
but Emburey, marshalling the tail, still posed a threat. Amidst the gathering gloom, while Pettit was being outstanding at gully, things for a moment
looked bad. Hogg lost his line momentarily (though there were several helpful suggestions as to where he could bowl alternatively) but
responded magnificently to have Percival caught behind. Seed was brought back at the death (Mundy not being available to bowl at children,
household pets or number elevens) and wrapped up the victory, having Cranford LBW.
A certain stoutness was displayed by the men of Barnes and the victory deserved, though the achievement will probably be remembered (if at
all) as 'not quite as big a victory as Stalingrad'.